Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Now I DO want to hit someone!

Today CBS News reported that the "Leaders" in Washington D.C. have been working on a jobs bill. Good deal right? I'm unemployed. I want to work. So let's hear from the Senate.

"Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suggested Monday -- it could bring down the rate of domestic violence. "I met with some people while I was home dealing with domestic abuse. It has gotten out of hand," Reid said on the Senate floor, the Hill newspaper reports.

"Why? Men don't have jobs." Even though women are losing jobs as well, "women aren't abusive, most of the time," Reid said. "Men, when they're out of work, tend to become abusive."

"It (domestic abuse) has gotten out of hand." Is the senator suggesting that there was a sufficient amount of spousal abuse before the economic down-turn and with Americans returning to work we can go back to a much more agreeable amount of spousal abuse?

Although there is a connection, are there degrees? I need a flow chart.

Unemployed = Wife beater
Under employed = Verbal abuser and kicks dog.
Employed but not in your field = Punches walls, drinks to excess.
Decent Job = Decent to spouse but masturbates to hot chicks on Univision.
Good Job = Happy, happy, happy. Fights with umps at kids sporting events.
Great Job = Excellent person. Non-violent. Get mistress so you don't accidentally bang your wife.

There you go. I feel better. I'm going to look for a job now.

Monday, February 22, 2010

This probably isn't funny.

I probably shouldn't joke about this but Viagra could make a mint off this story:

Andrew Koenig Reported Missing
Actor Andrew Koenig, who starred on Growing Pains back in the day, has been reported missing, the Vancouver Police say. He has not been seen in a week.
Koenig, who played Mike Seaver's (
Kirk Cameron) pal Boner, was supposed to be on a flight back to the United States on February 16, but did not check in.
He was reportedly last seen a week ago. His parents have described their son as "suffering from depression" and "
not doing good" in the last few weeks.
Judy and Walter Koenig (who played Pavel Chekov in the Star Trek series) say they last heard from Andrew February 9. They also say his cell phone is off.

All Viagra has to do is hire about 100 detectives, find him and then run an ad campaign saying "Lost your Boner....Viagra can help."

On a side note, his dad was Chevkov from Star Trek. Great acting runs in the family.